


(I just) died in your arms tonight

by buttheyrebrothers



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Episode: s02e21 All Hell Breaks Loose, Gen, Sam's Birthday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 08:29:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3929986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttheyrebrothers/pseuds/buttheyrebrothers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean guessed there was something poetic how life went full circle on him.</p><p>He wouldn’t say Sam’s life had begun in Dean’s arms, but for Dean it somehow did. Before, Sam was just an abstract thought to him, something that made mum’s tummy really big and sometimes kicked her. His parents had explained to him that he would be a big brother soon, that it was a baby in there – his little brother Sammy. But he couldn’t picture the baby in there, never mind imagine what being a big brother really meant. That all changed when his mum had put Baby Sammy in his arms for the first time. As far as early epiphanies go, this one had been pretty intense for a four year old. He knew his life would never be the same again, because now he was Dean, a big brother.</p><p>And 24 years later this same life that had changed Dean so fundamentally had ended again. In his arms. Full circle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(I just) died in your arms tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Written for The Megalosaurus' Birthday fic fest on tumblr. My prompt was Sam's 24th birthday. This is probably not what she had in mind but where the muse takes you...

Dean guessed there was something poetic how life went full circle on him.

He wouldn’t say Sam’s life had begun in Dean’s arms, but for Dean it somehow did. Before, Sam was just an abstract thought to him, something that made mum’s tummy really big and sometimes kicked her. His parents had explained to him that he would be a big brother soon, that it was a baby in there – his little brother Sammy. But he couldn’t picture the baby in there, never mind imagine what being a big brother really meant. That all changed when his mum had put Baby Sammy in his arms for the first time. As far as early epiphanies go, this one had been pretty intense for a four year old. He knew his life would never be the same again, because now he was Dean, a big brother.

And 24 years later this same life that had changed Dean so fundamentally had ended again. In his arms. Full circle.

And how ironic was it that Sam’s life had ended one day before his birthday? They both knew that being a hunter was not something that guaranteed you making it to an old age, but somehow Dean had just assumed that he would go first, dying some heroic death and maybe saving some people in the process. Sam was supposed to get out of this life someday, find a girl, marry her and have 2.3 kids. That was the plan, but Sam was never good at doing what he’d been told. And so Dean was left with a dead brother on a dirty cot, the only present Sam had gotten being a severed spinal cord. Sure, being Winchesters never made for great birthday parties or awesome presents, but this one really took the cake. And why was his useless brain still coming up with stupid jokes when there was no bitch face left to receive for it?

Bobby was out chasing the kid who took the light out of Dean’s life, John or Jake or whatever. Didn’t really matter. They could all burn for all he cared. What was the point anyway when Sam wasn’t even allowed to experience his 24th birthday.

He was struck with the memory of Sam’s first birthday, six months after they lost their mum and every chance at a normal life. Sammy had just started to try and stand on his own more and more which basically meant that they had needed to be on alert all the time, because standing enhanced the chances of falling down greatly they’d discovered pretty soon. And they already had their fair share of crying fits.

On this very day Dean had woken up in Sam’s crib again, just like he did most nights. It calmed them both so where was the harm, his dad had probably thought. John had been splayed across the motel bed with a bottle of whiskey at his bedside table. When Dean had seen that Baby Sammy was awake he had quietly played a bit with him, making funny faces and tickled his cute little tummy before he had gotten up to make breakfast. He had woken John to coffee and some cereals and his dad had given him this pained look again, like he was ashamed that his five year old had to take care of him. And then Dean had reminded him that it was Sam’s birthday and his face had fallen even more. Many years later John had spoken to Dean about this time, both pretty smashed after Sam had taken off to Stanford and leaving their sorry asses behind. He had told Dean that this first year Mary was gone had been really hard on him and most of the time he had felt like the biggest failure, what with having been given his best but having been unable to take care of his boys and relying on little Dean to raise his younger brother.

After they had had breakfast together John had started on his research again, leaving Dean to entertain the newly one year old toddler. They were browsing through a used picture book, Sammy’s little hands trying to turn the pages on his own, encouraged by Dean’s soft praise. Both had been so engrossed in the book that John’s voice had startled them when he had asked for Dean to get Sam’s bottle ready. Dean had placed his little brother safely on the floor and went to do as asked. Sam had not been amused by Dean just leaving him like that and had started to protest.

“Deeeee.” Being already used to Sam’s demanding side Dean had chosen to ignore him in favour of preparing the milk formula. But even back then Sam had been a persistent little fucker.

“Dee come. Sa-am. Dee come back. Pwease?” That had gotten Dean’s attention fast; Sam had never said ‘please’ before. But when he had spun around he had been in for another surprise. His little brother had used the table to pull himself upright, standing on wobbly legs and looking at Dean with big eyes, probably as surprised as Dean about his new position. And then it had happened.

When Dean had taken a tentative step towards Sam, careful not to scare the toddler, Sam had decided that their separation had lasted long enough already and had taken his very first – very unsteady – steps towards his big brother with determination written all over his face. Dean had sunken to his knees and had opened his arms, ready for Sammy to fall into them, which the kid had done with great delight.

On his first birthday Sam had taken his first steps, walking towards Dean and falling into his waiting arms. And on the night leading to his 24th birthday he had taken his last steps, walking towards Dean and falling into his waiting arms. Full circle really was a bitch.


End file.
